Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Fear Not: Part 5

The next thing we must do after we identify and confess our fear is to submit to the will of our heavenly Father. This is not easy. The healing process involves pain but it is absolutely necessary if we desire to be freed from our fears. I want to share with you something I wrote when Hannah was 19 months old. I wrote this on March 25 2006, we had just returned home from spending almost a week at Children’s Healthcare with our Hannah. I believe this is the ultimate picture of trust and devotion. I pray that my life reflects the lessons I learned from Hannah that precious week at Children's.

Hannah's Journey 2006
God further reveals himself during times of trouble. He strips away all distractions. The mundane events of our day are no longer the issue of our frustrations. The little list of to do’s is thrown out the window along with our preconceived agendas on what the day holds. What is left is a new perspective.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006, Hannah our little girl is sick. She is having a hard time walking, wobbling around as if drunk. Her determination is what keeps her going but she is clearly troubled and insecure. She gropes about looking for something to hold onto her eyes showing every emotion. What we see right now is panic. She sits down and holds up her arms for me to pick her up. She is tired and gives up the fight for now but she will try again. She rests her head on my shoulder, puts her finger in her mouth and we wait. Wait for the series of tests we are told must be preformed. Over the next three days Hannah will undergo a MRI, Cat Scan, Spinal Tap, EEG (tests that look at her brain activity), blood work, sedation and doctors coming in and out to further analyze her behavior and progress. I want so desperately to comfort her. I want to reassure her that I am walking along this scary journey with her. I want her to know how much I love her and that all these tests are for her good. They are going to tell us what is making her feel the way she does and help us determine how to make her better. Wanting so desperately to tell her all of this knowing I can’t because she doesn’t understand and has no capacity to understand breaks my heart.

Saturday, March 25, 2006, we are now at the end of this God ordained journey. We went from being told that she had a severe but treatable nervous system disorder that was attacking her nervous system to finding out that it was Atoxia which is swelling of the brain due to infection. Atoxia we are told will go away on its own.

New Perspective, The lessons we walk away with from this experience are profound. The thing that breaks my heart the most and yet is the most precious to me is this….No matter how many times Hannah was poked and prodded, she trusted me; No matter how scary the tests, she trusted me. She had no capacity to understand and yet she simply trusted. She still wanted me to hold her to comfort her. She still knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love her and would never leave her. She recognized this love and received it even in the midst of this testing. I was the one walking her into these tests and into the scary places and allowing these events to happen to her and yet she wanted me to be the one to comfort her through them. HOW REVEALING!! God our heavenly father so desperately wants us to see him in the same innocent way. We are all stumbling around. We are all groping our way through this journey called life. We are being tested, poked and prodded. At times we want to give up. We need a rest and are weary with trying to walk in our own strength. It is at those times that God wants us to plop down and reach up so that he can carry us through them. He wants to walk us into our times of testing and to be the one to comfort us and carry us through them. Our trust in him is precious. It moves him to tears. When we trust him no matter the circumstance and rely on his strength it gives him the opportunity to carry some of the burden. He would have not been able to teach us this precious truth about himself if we had not walked through this journey with Hannah.

We are all sick. We all struggle this side of eternity. We were not created for the world and the purposes of the world. We were created for God and his purposes. To be used by God we must be free from the stronghold of fear. We must live our life in total submission to him allowing him to mold us and shape us into who He created us to be. Allowing him to reveal the areas within us that he desires to heal. Being free from fear is an ongoing process. It is a daily submission. It is a daily battle that we were not created to fight on our own. It is God’s battle.

1 comment:

Kristin said...

As always, very good post and perspective on things. :o)